Bad OpenSees Turkey Jokes

24 Nov 2022 - Michael H. Scott

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States. A holiday meant for gratitude that has morphed into a day of eating copious amounts of turkey and other foodstuffs.

If you have distant family members at the Thanksgiving dinner table who also use OpenSees, here are some jokes you can tell in order to break the ice.

How do turkeys learn to use OpenSees?
They Google, Google
What is a turkey’s favorite finite element formulation?
Turkeyhedral
What is a turkey’s least favorite type of finite element model?
Grillage
What is a turkey’s least favorite type of OpenSees analysis?
Thermal
Which UniaxialMaterial should you use if you don’t know how to carve a turkey?
Grip aNd Grab (GNG)
Which UniaxialMaterial should you use to deep fry a turkey?
BilinearOilDamper
Who is a turkey’s least favorite mathematician?
Euler
What is the best way to keep a turkey open while stuffing?
Use a rigid diaphragm
Why do turkeys prefer beam elements for flexible diaphragms?
Because they are scared of plates
How do you save leftover turkey?
Use wrapper materials
Did you hear about the turkey’s new Python package of various OpenSees utility functions?
It’s called TurkeySeesPotPy
Why do turkeys keep their OpenSees development repos private?
Because they don’t want to be forked
Why do turkeys make good OpenSees developers?
Because they love finding bugs
Why did the turkey’s OpenSees analysis terminate?
A memory leak gobbled up all the RAM
What did the beam say to the column before turkey dinner?
Gobble until you wobble
What do you call an earthquake at a sustainable turkey farm?
Free-range vibration
What do you call a turkey who is an experienced OpenSees user?
Well Seesoned

Use the Comments section below if you have any OpenSees turkey jokes to add to the list.

I work on problems related to modeling and nonlinear structural analysis. If these problems are relevant to a current professional project, feel free to reach out.