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OpenSees Tom Swifties

Original Post - 23 Nov 2024 - Michael H. Scott

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According to its Wikipedia page, a Tom Swifty is “a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it [the quoted sentence] is attributed”. For example, here is a Tom Swifty to which OpenSees users can relate:

“I completed my first nonlinear frame analysis!”, Tom beamed.

This phrase uses “beamed” to show Tom’s excitement and to make a pun on the flexural elements of a frame model.

Here are more examples the OpenSees community may find punny:

1. “I don’t think the beam response is the problem”, Tom deflected.
2. “If the shear strength is high, the beam must be deep”, Tom said profoundly.
3. “Then why don’t you use a thin walled, circular section?”, Tom piped.
4. “I shall endeavor to mesh with elements of lesser size”, Tom said with refinement.
5. “Self-weight is essential for your soil model”, Tom said with gravity.
6. “You should multiply the mass by g”, Tom weighed in.
7. “Now this is how you load a beam”, Tom flexed.
8. “You’re right, I should use a cable element”, Tom said in tow.
9. “Dangit, the thermal loading is still incorrect!”, Tom said heatedly.
10. “From now on, I will use Concrete23 for all of my IDAs”, Tom cemented.
11. “The loading is long term, my pretty”, Tom said creepily.
12. “All the supports undergo the same ground motion!”, Tom said excitedly.
13. “This frame model just will not collapse!”, Tom said unhinged.
14. “All the columns in the first story failed”, Tom said softly.
15. “Many zeros, this matrix”, Tom said sparsely.
16. “I still don’t understand why the modal damping matrix is always full”, Tom said densely.
17. “I just need some simple f###ing white noise”, Tom said unfiltered.
18. “We will try new approaches to collapse simulation”, Tom said progressively.
19. “The Coulomb material simulates friction”, Tom said dryly.
20. “Basically, all members of the bridge are in compression”, Tom said overarchingly.
21. “The link element is a foot long”, Tom said with relish.
22. “Bring it in, I haven’t seen you since those Chevron tests!”, Tom said embracingly.
23. “I have no complaints about OpenSees reliability analysis”, Tom said in rare form.
24. “Put some superstructure load on the isolator element”, Tom said overbearingly.
25. “No one will explain to me the triple friction pendulum parameters”, Tom said isolated.
26. “The base isolator model was implemented by someone else”, Tom said passively.
27. “My advisor said I have to use MVLEM, not frame or shell elements”, Tom said walled off.
28. “The damage is high on that wall”, Tom cracked up.
29. “The flexural demand on that column is prominent relative to the axial load”, Tom said eccentrically.
30. “Maybe the problem is too much overturning moment”, Tom said off base.
31. “I encourage everyone to disavow OpenSees Tcl”, Tom said piously.
32. “Use whatever parameter perturbation you want”, Tom said with indifference.
33. “Oh behave, soil model”, Tom said dirtily.
34. “I limited the white noise to frequencies below 25 Hz”, Tom said with abandon.
35. “The vector in the x-z plane is so frustrating”, Tom said crossly.
36. “Must be an issue with the p-y springs”, Tom said coyly.
37. “I go through every model with a fine-tooth comb”, Tom bristled.
38. “I’ll use the recommended hysteretic parameters for now”, Tom said in a pinch.
39. “I don’t know, is my model unstable?”, Tom wavered.
40. “I love watching FSI animations after having a too few many”, Tom sloshed.
41. “You have to finish the hydrostatic analysis by Thursday”, Tom pressured.
42. “I got two beam-columns and a rigid link”, Tom beckoned.
43. “Check your model”, Tom said frankly.

Can you think of any other Tom Swifties that would resonate with the OpenSees community? Let me know in the Comments section below.