OpenSees Cloud

OpenSees AMI

Egg-Centric OpenSees Jokes

Original Post - 20 Apr 2025 - Michael H. Scott

Visit Structural Analysis Is Simple on Substack.

As far as I know, OpenSees has no Easter eggs. But perhaps we should hide a few, e.g., to congratulate users who reach exactly zero for the norm of the residual or to deride those who use more than two integration points in a dispBeamColumn element.

While you’re waiting for OpenSees Easter eggs to be hidden, take a break from uniform egg-citations and section egg-regators to enjoy some jokes that will crack you up!

1. Why did the chicken have a hard time compiling OpenSees?
   Too many eggs-ternal libraries
2. What is a chicken’s favorite finite element?
   Shell
3. What do you get when an egg rolls along a beam?
   An egg-fluence line
4. What do you get when you throw eggs at a reinforced concrete wall?
   Cracks
5. What is a chick’s first assignment?
   Crack propagation
6. Why do chickens prefer central difference for dynamic time integration?
   It’s an eggs-plicit method
7. What is a chicken’s favorite explicit solution algorithm?
   Eggs-press Newton
8. What led to collapse of the chicken coop?
   Too much egg-centric loading
9. Why do chickens not like to OpenSees with Tcl?
   Too many eggs-pressions
10. What do you get when you put chickens in a centrifuge?
    Centripetal egg-celeration
11. What do you get when you put chickens on a shake table?
    Scrambled eggs
12. How do chickens determine the compressive strength of their shells?
    They conduct eggs-periments
13. How do chickens determine the seismic response of structural models?
    They run egg-remental dynamic analyses
14. How do chickens find the reactions of uniformly loaded beams?
    They use statically egg-quivalent loads
15. What do you call an egg hatched on an elastic foundation?
    A spring chicken
16. How do chickens find the natural modes of vibration?
    They run an egg-envalue analysis
17. Why did the chicken’s OpenSeesPy analysis terminate?
    There was an unhandled egg-ception
18. What do you call an egg whose intellectual property was used without attribution?
    Poached
19. How do chickens demonstrate a bug in OpenSees?
    They provide a minimal working eggs-ample
20. How did the chicken feel when their IDA of 3D RC frames finished?
    Egg-static!

In the Comments section below, let me know of any eggs-tra jokes to add to this list.